Why don't you be the artist and make me out of clay?
Why don't you be the writer and decide the words I say?
Friday, August 12, 2011 It's been a while.
I can tell, I'm better from the last time I left off. I was pretty torn up about it for a long time. Oh, well.
Sometimes, you just need the right people to remind you there's more to life than what you were stuck in.
But depending on one person to the other, that's not the way it goes.
Unfortunately, that's the only way I know how to cope with it. Is it a good thing? Is it good to hope for something that would never be achieved? The utmost impossible?
Does changing yourself for someone give a better outcome than learning more for someone? To impress someone? 'Cause if I were to be myself, would I lose my chance?
Why can't I let go.
Why can't I get over it.
the origin.11:49 PM
Monday, June 28, 2010
I'm feeling empty right now... Today so many things have gone from bad to worse...
Well, I guess this day is gonna be marked for a long time... And it's not likely I'll forget about it for a long time...
But there is only one thing that brought me up, even though I'm still drilling myself deeper into the ground. Even if I didn't make it, two other important people to me did...
the origin.8:08 PM
Monday, February 8, 2010 Okay, so it's time for an update. I haven't blogged in a while, and it seems so uninteresting...
Well, the latest happening I can think of it the show "Glee". Yes, everyone likes "Glee". Everyone is happy when they watch "Glee". We love "Glee". "Glee" is like, seriously, like, the best show, like, ever!
Puh-lease... Like there aren't enough shows that are based of the lives of American high school kids... I personally think it's disgusting... It's so typical, like He sleeps with She, She gets pregnant, then He also fools around with She 1, and then She 1 fools around with He 1, then we later assume that She 1 has so many partners(He 1, He 2, He 3, He 4, etc...) that there is a possibility that the whole school is involved with She 1, and back to the main story; then She's boyfriend, who is notHe, finds out that She is pregnant and the whole world crumbles down, and at the same time, is trying to fight off other girls' advances and then He wants to make up for causing She to get pregnant, and does stupid things, all of which She is smart enough to say no to, and there is pretty much what I've watched until. :)
Too typical, and it's so darn obvious that if you don't break your celibacy vow, you obviously wouldn't get pregnant! Especially if you were the President of said club. That's just stupid and from a friend, and I quote, "Are people stupid...?" End quote.
But other than the stupid, dramatic plot, the singing and dancing is quite nice, and some episodes, or rather the ones that I've seen, they kind of touch the hearts of people, such as one where deaf students perform for them, and the sing a really inspiring song... Okay, not really sing, but they perform it through sign language, and one of the people actually practice speaking it out.
You May Say I'm A Dreamer But I'm Not The Only One I Hope Someday You Will Join Us In The World We'll Live As One
The song's called "Imagine", and the lyrics are pretty cool...
Another song that I totally can't stop listening to is "Defying Gravity" by Idina Menzel. Well, for this, I have to thank "Glee" for it. A really nice song! It's so girl-power-ey, and it feels good when you're singing the lyrics...
Speaking of girl-power-ey songs, another one is "According To You" by Orianthi. Her guitar skills are mad, and this song is pretty amazing. It's true how some guys totally think that their girlfriends and stuff like "stupid, useless, can't do anything right, boring, moody", as written in the song... Well, I can't say that it's the same for ALL guys, but most of them are pig-headed asses, who are so insensitive and desensitized to others' feelings and emotions... Not just girls', mind you, but even other guys. Like, what the hell, grow up, dude!
Yes, I'm talking about someone in particular. You can't force people to do what they don't want to do. Unlike you, people have something called a "life". You know, it's where you go out, and socialize with many, and I emphasize on many, MANY people, not just one but many, and if they say that they can't commit to a simple thing such as going out, seriously, forget it and move on! You know what moving on means? To go forward, not backward and cling onto others like they're your life support. Seriously, you wouldn't DIE without these people. At the same time, you're just making yourself look stupid, selfish and ignorant! And don't you DARE ever to degrade others due to your own manipulative, pea-brained, narrow-minded ignorance and your bratty attitude, because you don't know what it does to people!
Puh-lease, apologies can only take you so far. Imagine this is what I feel when others are affected, so imagine if it really happened to me. So, to you, stop being a wimp and buck up, lose the shitty attitude, THEN maybe I'll see if you're worth mentioning again...
There. I feel better. :)
But don't get your hopes up, bucko. You're still no good in my book.
the origin.3:30 PM
Sunday, January 17, 2010 I very recently stumbled upon a rant of a good friend of mine, and I can tell you that I have never felt so bad in my entire life...
Usually, I'm the one sitting here and laughing at the suckers that were involved in whatever it was, but now that it's happening to me, I wonder if there's someone who thinks that I'm one of those suckers... I didn't think properly, and I was being selfish.
You know that once you promise someone something, you can't go back on it... I tried my best all the time to not go against my promises, but it seems that it came back and bit me in the ass...
Now that I think about it, even though it came to me like a lightning bolt, it may hurt me in the short-run, and I'd be the one 'suffering' at this point in time, what would happen if I hadn't stumbled upon that rant? To be more specific, since this is about money, material goods, something that God has repeatedly taught us not to hold on to, well...
If this promise made hurts my pocket, and if I'd broken it, imagine what it will do to our friendship in the long-run...
I feel so ashamed of myself, that I was the one who pushed, and wanted to give. It was all on me, and it was my choice. May this be a lesson to me... God gave us people the spirit of graciousness and forgiveness, where we choose to give grace and forgive, and I hope that she may do the same for me...
I'm so sorry... You have no idea how sorry I am... I'm no better than a liar and a thief...
the origin.11:02 PM
Friday, November 6, 2009 Okay, okay, last one...
Take care, my baby brother!
Drink lots of water, get plenty of rest, and don't stress! Don't stay up so late drooling over guitars and the like. I still have to sleep on that bed, y'know!
Exams are over for you!
I'll come back and cheer loud and proud for you when you're on stage, mm'kay? *MUACKS!!!* *SQUEEEEEEEEEEZE* *Pinch cheeks*
the origin.10:15 PM
Whee, song list!
Erin McCarley - Pony, Pitter-Pat
Fuel - Shimer
Gwen Stefani - The Real Thing (Slow)
Megumi Ida - Tsuki No Akari
Mami Kawada - Asu E No Namida
Owl City - Fireflies, Hot Air Balloon, Hello Seattle (Remix), Meteor Shower, Dear Vienna
Okay, so yeah, that's my song list for now... But other than A-Levels, I've been getting completely distracted by:-
The Sims 3
GRANADO ESPADA: THE MASQUERADE!!! - When A-Levels are over, NOTHING can stop me from playing GE!!!
Mandy's new curling iron (don't ask)
NEW MOON!!!!!!!!!! - I MUST, MUST, MUST WATCH!!! 3rd December in SG!!!
Panicking over A-Levels...
Woe is me, my life now revolves around A-Levels... I can't do anything without considering how it will affect my A-Level studying time...
the origin.10:06 PM
Okay, so I haven't blogged in, like, forever! But you can't fault me! I'm an A-Level student! And it scares the hell out of me... So what have I been doing on hiatus for the past......... 4 months and 2 weeks? This has what's been on my mind:-
4 months and 2 weeks to A-levels
4 months and 1 week to A-Levels
4 months to A-Levels
3 months and 3 weeks to A-Levels
3 months and 2 weeks to A-Levels
3 months and 1 week to A-levels
3 months to A-Levels
A-LEVELS NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!! SCREAM IN HORROR AND TERROR, AND RUN INTO WALLS AND KNOCK YOURSELF OUT!!!!!!!!
Yeah, that's pretty much what I've been doing for the past 5 months or so... :D
the origin.9:57 PM
Saturday, June 20, 2009 I'm so tired...
If I just dropped down dead...
I don't think anyone would notice...
the origin.11:09 PM
Friday, June 19, 2009 This may seem a little out of character for me, but after a long heart-to-heart chat with my brother, it seems that there are some things that he didn't get that my sister and I got.
You are not as hopeless as you think you are. You may be confused and upset over everything that's going on around you, but know that this may be what God is trying to test you on. But I won't encourage you on God's terms, because everyone else is doing that, but I'm encouraging you on as a sister, not a fellow Christian. I have watched you grow, from day one, and the past one and a half years has made it difficult for me to see how far you've gotten. Sometimes, I blame myself for not treating you the way I should have. Would you have turned out like this if I hadn't?
I know that it's hard for you to accept a lot of things now, especially since you're always alone at home and I'm not there to take care of you, even if you are 16 years old already. Even though there are worse people out there, I don't care, because you're my brother, and always know that I love you, okay? Even if the rest of the world doesn't seem like they do, I am here for you, okay? You can talk to me anytime you want, even if I'm in school, okay? As your sister, I'm here to reassure you and to spoil you, especially now since you're not feeling as if anyone cares, except the church. I can safely tell you that church can only do so much to help you. Family is more important than that, and I'm feeling upset that you let it feel this way. You can change yourself, but the world can't change for you. You're growing up, and you can't stay the way you are anymore. You're not the only one who feels like this, and I'm sure there is someone else going through a similar trying time. But just because you are 16 doesn't make you an adult, that you can do or say anything you want.
You have been taught better than this, and what you said to me was indeed wrong, but I know you just need an outlet for that anger and hurt. Take a look at yourself, before you judge others. I know you may not like it, but see how your attitude towards other people can affect them. Imagine acting that same way in church. Do you think people will be happy? You can always find superficial love in other people's children, and other people's families. But what about your own? What about us? What about me? You're being very selfish, thinking that your own parents are keeping you from what you want. But do you in all honesty deserve it? Don't let their actions be just a cover up for your own mistakes. Ask yourself, what have you done to deserve an electric guitar? Don't be upset about what I am saying, because I feel that even though, yes, mum and dad may be wrong to a certain extent, but how long can you keep blaming them? Are you saying that they wasted their time on you? Are you saying that they never cared about you when you grew up? Have you given them a chance to speak about how they feel instead of it being about you the whole time? I know you better than that. Do you think they deserve your hot temper if they're trying to help you make it? You may not like it, but everyone has to make sacrifices if they want to do well.
I am not saying this to scold you, nor to reprimand you. After hearing two sides of the story, I can safely say that both sides are to blame. Yes, I will try to defend you as much as I can, but that can only go so far. I cannot guarantee that I'll always be here to help you and help you through any trouble, but know that in the end, you're still my brother, and I have a job as an older sister to reassure you in whatever you do. You're growing older, not younger. I hope that you have the wisdom to choose wisely. In whatever you do, in school, in church, you can't have everything all at once.
You say you can't sit down and study. I think that's just an excuse. I am no different. I'm giving myself excuses to prevent myself from doing what I should be doing. Instead, I'm making myself fall deeper into my own failure. If that's what you think mum and dad have been, think also of yourself and the people who have brought you up. Does that make me as much of a failure? If you feel this way even now, do you think that the church is also failing to teach you what you try so hard to teach others? Then you are the hypocrite. If you still harbor these feelings, no matter how wrong or how regretful they may be, then you are just being hypocritical, not practicing what you teach, not walking the talk. Start small. Don't hope for big things that you think you might be able to achieve. Start with yourself. I'll be frank with you, start with your temperament. Your short temper has affected a lot of people. Your life is then affected, because you've closed off your mind. You refuse to listen to those who are supposed to be closest to you, and you lash back out at them. I say this again, I have to blame both sides, because your actions only fuel the magnitude of others' advice.
Maybe I have been wrong in saying some things to encourage you to talk about others in spite. That should not be the way, no matter how you are feeling. You can't hate someone who has in the end done nothing to you. It is your own screwed up misconception that keeps leading you to think the way you do now. Don't let it rule your judgment of others. I am both disappointed in you and emphatic for you. I wish I could've stayed back to take care of you, even in this time. There may be times where you feel like all we do is hold you back. But would you listen if I told you that I went down the similar route? If I did, would you value my words more than others, those who you seem to think don't understand what's going on in your life? We may not understand fully, but we are here to listen, especially me. You may not always be right, and neither will I, but you have to grow up and accept the facts.
Even if you do not do well, it doesn't mean that we're kicking you out of the house, or disowning you from the family. We may not show it enough, you may have been unhappy with us for not spending enough time with you, but do you think mum would have left to work so early if she had known that you would have trouble now? She has complete confidence in each and every one of us, that we'll all pull through no matter what. We can't keep being angry at each other, this will only turn everyone against you, and I don't think that's what you want in a family. We have to be there for each other all the time, and even if we don't say it at all, our actions can speak for themselves.
As my little brother, you are the youngest in the family, and you have so much ahead of you. Don't let anything slow you down. You may feel lacking in the love a family is supposed to have, but thinking that way also hurts me, as a sister. I feel as if I have not done enough to ensure you that even if we're far apart, you're still my one and only brother, and I love you for it, no matter how many times I forget to show it. Understand that and remember that.
Happy (belated) birthday, and I'll see you when I come home, okay?
Love, Your sister.
the origin.6:57 PM
Monday, May 11, 2009 Since the other blog can't show it, for some stupid reason, the Mother's Day dedication goes out to:-
All the Precious Promises mothers (and those who have been like mothers to me)
All the mothers in SIBKL
Aunty Amy (one of the most loving people I've known)
Aunty Mimi (for putting up with my crap for the longest time)
All my aunties related by blood (we're family, after all!)
ALL THE MOTHERS IN THE WORLD!!!
the origin.1:13 AM
What they say about me.